Husband and Wife After 8 Years ~ Reflections on a Sunday

Yesterday (Sunday) Sterling and I went to nursery as usual. Nursery is my calling and Sterling has no calling but I need his help in nursery. I love taking care of the nursery kids but we have 13-17 kids every week. Jenn, my partner, and I need more than just us to manage the kids.

We gave a baby gate we no longer need to a family who wanted it. And I gave out the baby shower invitation flyers for each auxiliary where women are during church hours. I gave a baby shower a couple weeks ago and am already involved in another one. With the last baby shower I put a lot of work into it. I made the decorations and invites and flyers and shower games. I had help providing food. With this current shower I am doing the decorations, invites, flyers, cake and helping with two of the games. I am getting good at doing baby showers and the women receiving the party feels loved and grateful for the efforts.

At church we were handed the Roberts' computer to take home and fix. Sterling is really good at fixing computers and has helped out many people in the ward for free. Most people who need help buy cheap computers and maybe don't have good anti virus software. So they get viruses and their computers slow down and have issues. Sterling cleans them, wipes them clear and installs good software and antiviruses.

In our ward we , Ster and I, do a lot of service. With church callings and more. I watch other peoples kids even on short notice for free. We help any way we can. We don't really have to go looking for service opportunities because the ward knows us and our skills by now. They come to us and we happily help.

In our service efforts we bless others' lives but in return Heavenly Father blesses us.

Recently my visiting teaching companion had a baby. A week or two later a sister we visit teach had a baby too. I brought dessert and visited with my companion after her baby came along. She had a scary delivery and a hard post partum. So I was happy to visit with her, keep her company and make sure she was doing better.

Well yesterday was Fast Sunday and I spent the whole afternoon cooking and baking. I made croissant rolls from scratch, chicken salad sandwich filler and choc choc chip cookies. I took some of all those things and sweet pulled pork Sterling made over to the Mchaley's (the sister I visit teach who just had her baby). I brought them dinner for last night and the pulled pork for a freezer meal for later in the week.

Katie Mchaley is doing well. She has recovered nicely and feels great after a fast and smooth delivery.
After that visit I went to Kayla, my v.t. companion and gave her back her computer Sterling fixed. She is having a hard time because her baby still won't sleep at night while she has young twin boys and a toddler at home. She is teaching them school at home this year.  I let her know I am available every morning this week if she needs any help she can call me.

On the drive home from the military base where I made my visits I thought a lot about my wonderful husband. Lately I've been realizing that our perfect relationship can't remain so wonderful without much effort. After 8 years of marriage you have to work hard to keep the relationship exciting and strong. I've been discovering ways to do that.

Saturday we went on an exciting date where we ziplined in the mountain. Ziplining is something a little scary that Ster and I each experienced only once in our youth. After so many years have gone by it was hard to remember the whole experience.  I was worried it would be too high off the ground and that the end, the jerk at the bottom, would be too rough.
I was surprised to learn something I did not know about my husband...he is afraid of heights. He said the tower doesn't bother him (his work tower) but standing in the trees reading to fly down a line in a harness makes him nervous.
So it was exciting and a little scary for both of us. But the Tramway Adventures zipline in Keystone SD was not too high off the ground. It was so awesome flying through the trees! So much fun! And doing it with Sterling made me feel stronger and happier in our relationship.
I had picked the activity so Sterling picked the place to eat. We went to Sanford's for the first time and it became our new favorite restaurant. The environment was fun and the food was amazing. It costs more than other places in town but tastes so much better than the others. We'd rather go to Sanford's once in a while than eat out often at places that don't impress us.


                          Another thing I realized that helps me feel stronger and happier in my relationship with Sterling is to say the things I love about him out loud. On the drive home from the base yesterday I remembered that saying words out loud has power. I learned that from my mother.
I often think about the things I love about Sterling but I don't usually say them out loud.
So , alone in the car, wishing I had a friend with me to say it to I spoke aloud the things I love about Sterling. It takes over 15 mins to drive home. So I had that much time to think about how wonderful he is.

Some of the things I said are: "Sterling helps me to be a great mom. With his help and giving me breaks I don't get burned out. That causes me to be able to continue to be patient and happy and a great mom."
"Sterling is so wonderful to serve others. He could charge money for his computer services but that's not how he is. He isn't about making money any way he can. He is all about helping others."
"One of his priorities is to keep me stress free and happy. And I am so thankful for that. He has striven for that since we first got married."
"He doesn't always step in to help clean my chores or take care of the kids. But if he knows I need help he will definitely step in. And he does clean up his computer desk and his own stuff often."

You know what...saying them out loud made me feel more appreciation and love for him. Simply thinking about those things was not enough. Saying things outloud truly has great power.

I got home and walked in the house to find Luke cleaning. I saw the kitchen had been cleaned up and all the dishes done. The upstairs was clean! And downstairs I found Sterling and Ty cleaning the tv room! I could hardly believe it.
I knew immediately why he did it. It wasn't that I was getting burned out. It was that Sterling wanted to spend time with me and he knew if I had dishes to wash and things to take care of I would not be able to.
Sterling's actions that evening made me feel more love and joy for him. He truly is wonderful.
The house was clean and we were able to relax and watch tv together. The kids are pretty good at leaving us alone to do that once in a while.

Selfless Marriage

A couple days ago I was pondering my wonderful marriage. I realized that I was the more selfish one in the relationship. Sterling loves spending time with me. He wants more time together than I typically do. I spend my time with the kids, cleaning the house and with my husband. I do take time for myself when Sterling is at work. I take time to facebook, watch a girly show, and do something fun for me like scrapbooking or making hair bows. When Sterling is home from work I spend time with him but then I find myself also wanting to do stuff for me and do stuff alone. Even though Sterling still wants to be with me I would rather go do something for me or sometimes even do some housecleaning that I was not able to get to because of the kids.

Yesterday evening Sterling brought up our marriage; as often happens due to the constant reminder of others that marriage isn't always as wonderful as ours. Sterling said "But I could be less selfish". I almost laughed at that. I then told him how I was thinking I was the more selfish one in our relationship.

He said "I spend more of the money." Which is true. He does always say that we need to save money and not spend but then he ends up buying more unnecessary things than I do. "How are you selfish?" he asked. I told him about my wanting more time for just me. He agreed that was true.
So yesterday we pointed out one way our marriage isn't perfect.

However, in that conversation we also proved how amazing our marriage is that we both see past our spouse's greed and see only how we could improve ourselves. That proves we are selfless in some ways.

The funny thing is that the times I do think "I wish Sterling would do that for me" and I realize he could be more selfless are the times I feel guilt for thinking of myself and wishing he were different.

Sterling is not perfect (neither am I) but it would be a truly amazing world if all men were like him.

Celebrate 30 years of Tiffany

I love birthdays! For Sterling's 30th we did not have a party. That's his favorite way to celebrate. But for me...I definitely wanted a party.

The perfect party theme...Swing Dancing!

The Saturday after my birthday some friends came over to celebrate with us. Al & Malinda Stone and James & Martha Aston. I decorated with store bought silver stars hanging from the ceiling and black cutout silhouettes of swing dancing couples which I had cut out myself. I had decorated the tv room and there we danced. Sterling and I taught our friends some basic dance moves: the Triple Step, Rock Step, Bow Tie and the She-He turn. We practiced those moves and then turned on Swing music. We danced a while and it was a lot of fun.

I started Swing dancing in high school.  I fell in love with it right away! I joined the school's swing dance club and I thought it was amazing. Unfortunately the leaders of the club graduated and nobody knew enough swing to take over.
Then Zack Guymon who became my best friend happened to love swing dancing too. So we would practice together. When my brother Aaron got married Zack and I were pretty good at swing dancing. At the wedding reception we showed off our moves. I didn't have any idea if it even looked good because I was doing it. But one day, years after the wedding, (I think it was Nicole) someone showed me a video from the reception that showed some of our dancing and it looked awesome! I wish I had that video. I have asked Aaron and Nicole to see if they can find it but I never heard back from them about it.

I went to a swing dance club, free at BYU, once with friends. Since then I've only danced with my husband. We practiced basic swing. I was trying to teach Sterling to swing because I love it so much and he was willing to do it for me. But it's not as fun when you don't do it all the time...when you are out of practice. It's fun when you dance so much that you and your partner are good at it. Sterling and I...we are out of practice.


At my 30th party we danced. We hung out while our kids played in the boys' bedroom.
I served chicken salad croissant sandwiches and we had brownies and ice cream for dessert.

30 years of happiness. And my life is more amazing than ever. My life is perfect. God blesses me in more way than I can count.