Dear Journal, October
12, 2013
Maybe two years ago I realized my 10 year high school
reunion would be happening when we got back to America. I had hopes I wouldn’t
miss it. I started dreaming of the reunion. Me with my perfect husband and
adorable boys. I wanted to be thin and pretty and have my husband by my side…even
if my boys were only there with us in photograph.
Well, we came back to America and then via facebook the most
social girls in my high school class posted about the reunion coming up! I
planned to make sure I was staying in NV when the reunion would be so I would
be able to go. But then I realized Sterling would not be able to go. L
And I won’t be thin exactly…my tummy would be “5 months
pregnant” big. But I made a goal to stay in shape so I’d be a hot pregnant
mommy. It’s actually getter that way because Ster won’t be with me so I didn’t
want to be too hot at my reunion.
I looked up some friends I hadn’t had contact with in a
while, via facebook, and made sure they knew about the reunion. I wanted Kevin
Johnson, Anthony Lomelin, Devon Blake and Michael Rodriguez to come. But
Michael is not someone I can find …his name is too common and he might not even
have a facebook page. I also made sure Liz Floyd and Keith Reed knew about it.
And then people I knew live out of state so they wouldn’t come…Justin Henderson
& Brittany Ginter. Hugo (Fernando) Hurtado doesn’t have a facebook page so
he didn’t get invited.
Friday October 11th, (Nephi’s 17th
birthday by the way) was the class reunion. 2003 Mojave High School 10 year
reunion! 7pm at Mojave High for their Homecoming football game. I was so happy
to go back to the school for the reunion! But…I didn’t know most the people
there. I recognized some faces but did not know their names. I knew Erica
Forstrom. We were friends for a bit in high school, enemies for a short time
and just acquaintances most of the time back then. She was friends with Megan
Rafferty whom I was friends with first then Erica and Megan became inseparable
and Megan became more snotty because of Erica…that’s why I stopped being
friends with both of them.
Anyway, I caught up with Erica at the game and she was so
sweet. She invited me to sit with her when I was sitting alone for a while.
She’s a high school teacher now. Apparently she had a baby
maybe a year or so after graduation. Then she got a degree and started
teaching. She was a teacher at Mojave high for a while!
Devon showed up and I was the only person he knew at the
game. We chatted a little. He said he’s doing fine but didn’t give me any
details of his life. I think it was more awkward for him than for me. But being
alone and knowing him more than anyone else there was weird.
I left a little early to beat the traffic after the game. I
drove to Nicole’s house on the other side of town. I slept on the couch at her
house. Watched an episode of The Mentalist…fell asleep during it.
Being at the game made me miss Sterling so much! He wasn’t
there to sit with me or put his arm around me or keep me company. I felt lonely
there and after that.
In the morning I got up and got ready for the temple. Nicole
and the kids were still asleep and I needed to get started on my day. So around
8am I left a thank you note written on a paper towel for Nicole and I snuck
out.
I drove to the temple…driving anywhere in Vegas takes
forever! All the traffic and traffic lights and distance. Vegas is so huge!
On the way to the temple I stopped at McDonalds for
breakfast. Ate it on the way to the temple. Went inside, feeling depressed that
I had to do that without Sterling also.
Inside the temple I couldn’t help but remember that’s where
we got married. The Las Vegas temple! Over 6 years ago and we have never been
happier about any decision. We have 100% trust in our marriage. We support each
other completely; maybe not when I want to do something like get a trampoline
or when he suggests getting a new gun even though we’re in Italy and he can’t
even use it.
We are so in love. We look out for each other and make
sacrifices to make the other person happy or comfortable. We help each other’s
dreams come true. We are one.
In the temple I reconnected with God. I have not been to the
temple as many times as maybe other women who’ve been married 6 years. Ster and
I moved to Italy 2 years into our marriage…where we only went to the temple
once a year because of the distance (time and money).
So going to the temple is stressful to me. I’m stressed,
usually being pressed for time to get in for a session. Stressed about doing
everything right and learning what I’m being taught.
So I’m not always happy to go to the temple. I do it because
we are commanded to and because I am suppose to. So today in the temple I
prayed in the chapel as I waited for the session to start…or for us to be led
up to do a session. I prayed and apologized for not having more of a desire to
attend the temple. I thought about the reasons I don’t feel a need to go to the
temple more often…Sterling and I do a good job of having the gospel in our
lives. And of striving to be the best we can as members of the church, members
in the community and as parents. We strive to have a close relationship with
God and do what He would have us do. And
in so doing our home is a temple. With love and peace and the spirit. With
God.
I don’t have a job I go to where there are people and things
that take the spirit away. I don’t need to seek refuge or a break by going to
the temple. I already have that in my life and a closeness to God.
But I always feel better about myself when I’ve gone to the
temple…when I’ve done what I am suppose to. Today I felt great in the temple. I
didn’t think I “needed” it but it turned out I did. It changed my mood from
feeling depressed because I have not seen Sterling in 2 months to being my
normal happy self. Although…I was no longer wanting to go to the 10 year
reunion pool party that day. I already bought my ticket online so I had to
go. I decided I’d be late though.
I left the temple and went to Walgreen’s. I changed my
clothes and found out about vhs to dvd transfer services. They cost $30 to get
one done. Ster, on the phone, convinced me that we should just buy an at
home/do it yourself thing. I don’t know what it is but Ster said they are from
$30 to $120 or something. Mom has like ten vhs homemovies she wants to transfer
so I told Sterling to go ahead and order it and we’ll get them all done. I just
have one vhs of home movies I want to put on DVD.
That Walgreen’s was the one I worked at when Ster and I met
and were married. I ran into Jean; a nice older woman who worked there before
me and with me and is there still.
Then I went to Ross and bought some cute maternity clothes.
Then I drove over to Aliente to the hotel where the party was. It was a
poolside party with pizza.
It turned out to be really fun. I had invited Zack so I
wouldn’t be alone but he had to work the night before so he couldn’t go to the
game. And when it came to the party it was $15 at the door to get in and I wasn’t
even planning to stay very long. Zack was so busy today that I told him to not
worry about it and that I wouldn’t even be there long.
I ended up staying longer than I had planned. I had fun
chatting with the group, the very small group, that came to the party.
Unfortunately they had spent way more money on the party than they were getting
back because there were not enough guests coming! None of my friends came…disappointing.
We passed around a year book from our senior year. We had
two poolside room things and they brought out fresh fruit…the hotel did.
There was a giant framed picture of our senior class
altogether. It was awesome! But it had Devon with his arms around me in it. We
dated off and on throughout high school. That day that we did that picture
Devon and I got back together! Just in time to do senior pics. We didn’t kiss
though. We were seniors and I had kissed other boys in the past but he and I
didn’t. Our first kiss, I believe, was after his mission. In Logandale, NV at
the reservoir we had our first real kiss. And there was no magic. No spark. I
just didn’t feel it. He wasn’t the one for me and it kept showing in many
different ways. I wasn’t truly happy. I was in a depression. I had some debt
and I hadn’t met the right man for me yet and I was depressed. I wanted to get
married so bad, hoping that would take away the unhappiness. But marrying Devon
would not have fixed my problem because he wasn’t the one for me.
I was depressed when I met Sterling and we dated. But
marrying him WAS the answer to fixing me. He was the one! I didn’t believe in “the
one”…a single person picked out to be “right” for you. But God had a plan and
it involved a specific picked out man to make my life Heaven on earth.
Anyway, I enjoyed the pool party and won the “guess how many
gum balls in the jar” game. Somehow I’m good at those. At baby showers and
things I often win that game. So I left with a jar full of green and orange
(Mojave’s colors) gum balls.
Before leaving the hotel I stopped at the DQ in the food
court. I was in the mood for candy in ice cream. Usually I like it smooth and
without chunks…but I was in a weird mood. Actually, it happens more often than
I ever thought it would…now. Maybe because I’m pregnant…maybe not.
So I tried their new Smores Blizzard and LOVED it! I ate it
on the drive back to Logandale.
It was disappointing how few people came to the reunion
events! Some people, I think, just were embarrassed that they didn’t do more
with their lives in ten years. And some didn’t care to relive high school
memories. And some just have contact with all the friends they want through
facebook. They already know what everyone’s up to without leaving their couch!
We took pictures at the football game and the pool party. So
I will have those pictures saved.
It was funny…the day I was going back to Mojave Sterling happened
to come across a real rattle snake. Funny because rattle snake is the mascot of
my school! He had taken pictures of it and sent them to me…without knowing it
was my mascot.
In other news… Next week will be crazy busy for me. Monday I
am teaching two 9 yr old Faith in God girls and their leaders how to handle and
decorate with fondant. Luke is getting a ride to soccer practice that evening.
Tuesday is Luke’s soccer game in the evening. Wednesday I
have to go to Vegas for a checkup on the base at the hospital. In the evening I
am singing “Happily Ever After” by Jenny Philips at the young women’s mutual
night.
Friday Justin, my nephew, is going through the temple for
his endowments getting ready for his mission. So if I get a sitter I’ll go for
that.
Sunday is the primary program where Luke has a part…”I am
thankful for my mommy and daddy.” Then that afternoon we drive to Provo…stopping
in Cedar City to visit Alissa and Justin and James and taking a break from the
drive.
Life is busy..life is sweet.
~Tiffany
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