Letters To Mom

Tiffany-                                                                                                                                                                Thursday, September 27, 2012

I have been wanting to write for the longest time, but things have just been so busy!  Going back to work has really been hard on me in the sense that I now have no time to do what I normally do – I wasn’t expecting to go back to work this fall – in fact I was really looking forward to Nephi going back to school, maybe Isaiah and Moroni getting jobs, and I get my stay-at-home life back.  2 days after school started I was offered this job and I took it. I couldn’t pass it up!

My friend at the power plant offered me her office job. It is a great job!  I really like this job, and feel really comfortable there, since I was already working at the plant and was familiar with it.

But I wasn’t prepared for it, so I feel like I was thrown in a lake and I’m swimming and swimming, and hoping to catch a breath!

I will be able to float, after I a while.

I am also still teaching sewing – one class on friday and one on saturday morning. I wasn’t going to, but a mom talked me into it. I do really love it – and it’s not hard, I just have to juggle a little harder!

Isaiah and Moroni take up the slack.  Isaiah does the dishes and Moroni does the laundry. thank goodness for their help!!!

I have been following you on facebook – so I am happy to see what you’ve been up to.  It sounds like you are busy and happy.  You are such a good mom!  and your boys are growing up so fast!!!!

I am going to check out your blog too.

I usually get to do stuff like that at work, but lately at work I have been really busy, too. I am going thru all the files and reorganizing. It is hard work getting organized!  (my friend had a crazy filing system – they needed to be straightened out)

anyway – just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you – and glad things are going well.

I love the cakes you have been making!  It’s nice to see you developing your talents.

have a great day!Smile           love mom

Hi Mom.                                                                                                                               September 27, 2012

Good luck with your unexpected busy schedule!

When I do cakes I end up not giving my sons as much time and attention. Now I have a dog who needs time and attention (training) as well. This week they've all three been neglected and it's showing in the dog. She's backtracking. Ster says we need to spend an hour a day with her.

When a  baby cries a mother picks it up and tends to it's needs and desires. When a puppy whines a master is to ignore it until it quiets down. A master is to have a firm hand and control over the puppy. It may sometimes feel she's an extra child but I am definitely not her mother! The role is so different! It's hard to be Master. I am learning.

What else is going on with me lately...I'm having a hard time feeling secure in friendships.

I have such a wonderful ward. I have, of course, girls I am closer to than others. But it's like I need to loved by everyone.

I try to do social events often. Trips to the beach, camping, etc. I invited tons of people in the ward but nobody every comes. I naturally take it personally. Even something as simple as a play date. I am lucky if I get one family to come.

I feel like there is something wrong with me/us. Are we aukward to be around as a couple? Am I socially aukward. Am I too collected, composed? Not silly enough? Do I not show my emotions enough...let people know I like them and want their company? I just can't figure it out. I can only guess.

My friend Nelli says it's nothing and that it's just everyone's schedules that keep them from attending. But there are trips that others in the ward do together and they post pictures...sometimes pretty large groups. Do we get invited to those? no.

Right now we have been in the ward longer than everyone but one family. There is one family that arrived in Italy like a week before us that are still here.

It bothers me that I am not loved because I like to be so social. I love planning parties and being invited to them.

Then with the people I know are my friends I want to be like family with them. I want them to be comfortable in my home and with my family as if we were family.

The other day my friend Carla was babysitting our kids so we could go on a morning/afternoon date. When we picked up our kids our close friends Nelli and Todd were at Carla's house with their kids as well. Nelli was washing Carla's dishes. When I walked in and saw it I felt a feeling of comfort and family.

Now, at my house I don't like people to do the dishes. Friends come for dinner and then try to do my dishes! I have learned to be act ok with it and keep them company while they do my dishes. But I try to always have the dishes done or atleast in the dishwasher when friends come for a meal so they can't wash my dishes.

I  have a clean house whenever I have guests. And I don't often have problems being a mom. I have it all together. But maybe that's the problem. Maybe my friends want to be needed...to do dishes, etc. Maybe we can't get close like family because I am so collected.

But,as you can tell, emotionally I'm not so collected.

Today we are suppose to go on a camping trip. Of course, none of our friends we've invited are coming with us.

But Luke threw up in the night and when he got up this morning so I'm not sure how it's going to work out. Hopefully Luke will feel better and we can go on this trip.

On a brighter note...having Cora really does keep me from being homesick. It's only been amonth we've had her but it's so nice not to be homesick. Ster and I want so much to be with our families in America!

I love you!

~Tiffany                                                                                                                               September 28, 2012

It’s really hard when you try to be friends with people, and they don’t respond back -

I had had a really hard time with that out here – I tried to get into a “group” or at least become friends with some of the ladies in our ward. They were really friendly, but not really my friend. I invited a few (individually and at different times) to go shopping with me- most of them said they couldn’t but one sister flat out told me “no” that really hurt – I just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me that no one wanted to hang out with me or be my friend. They all had their friends already. I really needed a kindred spirit.

I finally became close to my best friend Carmen. She really is a kindred spirit.  She is the only 1 I hang out with – the only friend I need.

Maybe you are trying to be friends with too many people?

It’s nice to have a kindred spirit to really be close to. we all need friends. especially women.

earlier in my life I had 2 friends – crystal wadsworth and michelin york.  I am still friends with both of them.

I’m not sure why I was friends with crystal – I think I was becoming friends with her, then she moved across town. we are still friends, but only see each other 2 times a year – on our birthdays.

michelin helped me thru some really tough times and I am so grateful to her for our friendship. we were really close, and we would hang out every day – either her house or my house. we both homeschooled, so it was easy to do.

then michelin moved to washington state.

I had another friend -   Jara’s mom – what was her name? -that I was becoming close to – do you remember Jara?    That’s how I met her mom  and we became friends. even though her lifestyle was so different from mine and she had different moral values, we still became close. then she moved.

It was like all my friends moved away.  I had no one to confide in. I prayed about it, and God told me that he took away my friends so that I would learn to rely on Him instead of just going to my friends with my problems. It was a good lesson for me.  But it meant I didn’t have any close friends or kindred spirits. I really needed a kindred spirit.

maybe you need to look around and pick out 1 or 2 families that you would like to be close to. see if you guys fit well together. don’t try so hard to throw big parties and activities. You are such a fun person to be around – both you and Sterling – it’s not you.  People are busy.

You are very social- which is awesome!

Pray about it.  And relax.  Let things flow.  You will be able to become close friends with people you are suppose to be friends with.

I know that because you are so far from family, you need friends to feel like family.  There are others in your ward/area who feel the same way. You just need to find a “fit”.  Keep trying, but relax about it – it will happen.

also – forget yourself and find others who need you.

I needed my friends, but they also needed me.

 love mom

Grandpa Is Sick

Dear Family:                                                                                                                                                         January 08, 2012

I need to let you know what has been happening with Grandpa Ray.  Grandpa Ray is having medical issues. During the Christmas holidays he had a slight stroke.  He went in to the doctor where they ran tests and in the process found a cancer growth in his nasal passage that may kill him. He is in the process of fighting the cancer.  This has been devastating news to him and to us.

Right now he is exploring treatment options and is doing everything he can to fight this.

It was a miracle that they found the cancer; if it hadn’t been for the stroke he had, he never would have gone to the doctor, so the stroke has been a blessing in disguise. (The stroke only affected his speech somewhat; there were no other effects that they could see.)

Grandpa needs our prayers, so if you could include him in your prayers, that would be appreciated.  The Rays are fasting today (it is their fast Sunday) and you are welcome to join in that fast. we are fasting for him next Sunday (our fast Sunday) and will continue to pray for him.

Uniting as a family in prayer can bring miracles.

love you all,  mom (Roslyn Boren)

January 08,

Good morning Mom. I'm so sorry to hear about grandpa.  Luckily I checked my junk mail box. I cannot find a way to get my email to stop sending emails I want into the junk box.

Lately my kids are driving me crazy. I keep thinking I have little patience for them. But they've been sick for like 4 days now. Diarrhea and rashes on their bottoms. Baby Ty especially. He's had it worse. I change his diaper and then he goes again...and so his rash doesn't have time to get better.

Sterling is leaving on a 3 week TDY work trip next week. So hopefully I will find my patience before he leaves. Hopefully I will get some time away from the kids before he goes.

Other than that we are doing great. We'll keep grandpa in our prayers.

Love, Tiffany

January 09

I m so sorry to hear about your sick kids. that is really hard to deal with.

I hope you are giving them plenty of fluids because when kids have diarrhea like that they get dehydrated.  Pedialyte is good to give them to keep them from getting dehydrated. 

another thing is the amount of diapers you go thru when babies have diarrhea. when my kids were going thru lots of diapers I bought diaper liners to put in them because I couldn’t afford to use up so many diapers. the diaper liners really helped me not go thru so  many diapers– especially when they were pooping every 5 minutes from diarrhea.

the best thing for diaper rash is bag balm but I don’t know if you have any. It worked better for me than diaper rash medicine.  I used baby powder a lot too.

as far as going crazy – sometimes we have to lower our expectations.  what you expect to get done. how much sleep you expect to get.  right now if all you do is take care of them and eat and sleep, then you are accomplishing a lot.  don’t expect to do anything else. when they get better, you can get some of yourself back.

I think the thought of Sterling being gone for 3 weeks is starting to make you panic.  don’t worry about tomorrow. just get thru today.Smile

good luck!  love mom

TDY Emails from Ster

Emails from Sterling when he was TDY at Airman Leadership School in the states:

Tiff,

     I am just thinking how nice it is that this is the last night I have to spend away from you and am so ready to have you in my arms.Hmmm I hope you day goes quick and you get done what needs to be done so that we can just relax. and dont worry I am exited to see you and the boys.. not the house.

I love you,   Sterling                            Sunday, February 05, 2012

Snore snore sleep sleep,

      I dont want to right you an email I want to be home with you in my arms warm happy and wonderful.Thank you for the pictures of the boys they are cute. I am planning to call at around 2:00 tomorrow unless someone invites us to lunch again I will just do the usual call then we can video chat. I love you and am getting really excited to come home mtcha-Sterling                 Sunday, February 05, 2012

Tesoro,

     I love you, I spent my evening looking at computers and I don't know what I want to do I found this awesome one for 1800 with blu-ray 3D screen twice as much power as out desktop that would be great but if you were to tell me I 1800 to spend on electronics I could upgarde our tv get the sound system i want and still get a good(not great) laptop somwthing tells me I need to keep looking.  I should just get all three things and call it good. I like window shopping for electronics.one thing I love about you is your very kind and understanding you are conscious of how I feel and sometimes I am a little insecure or sensitive and you dont make me feel like  baby.    Thursday, February 02, 2012

Beautiful Princess of Mine,

       You are a wonderful woman and I was very happy that we go to chat tonight. I was thinking of sex games to play that you might like and one thought that I had was get dressed up fancy and take turns looking the other person in the eye and tell them one thing you love about them a kiss and one article of clothing later it is the other persons turn. I think it sound like fun looking you in the eye and tilling exactly what I think about you and hearing what you think about me. I hope you have a great day mtcha!

                Sterling                                 Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Hey doll,

   Sorry I wasn’t around when you called I wanted t do something quick and easy for dinner but when I called Todd he told me that Tyler wanted to hang with us tonight and they wanted to do mexican so we get to the mexican restaurant at 8pm sit down order and I did not like the chilli at all so I didnt eat it so they insisted on giving me something else so I finish just as someone else comes in and sits with us and orders so not to be rude we talked with him  it was 10:20 before we got back. I did want to speak with you more tonight just because I miss you and want you to be here with me.

     I suggested to Todd that we do pizza and a movie tomorrow we will see what happens. there is a bar that people say has the best sandwiches and they have a Wednesday special so we will see what we do.

    Thank you for calling me though it makes me feel special that you tried. hmmm count down hmmm I like count down. I am trying not to be too exited so the time goes faster but I know that sunday and monday will go slow because I will just be waiting to get on the plane.

I love you and think happy wonderful things about you all day. mtcha

Prince Charming                               Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Woman!

       Why do you make me feel guilty? I was up at at the gym at 0530 because of your comment on asking how my workouts where going. It felt goooood and I loooove you for it I did 30 min on the bike then I hit the weights hard I will be one sore boy tomorrow too bad my masseuse is in a different country. I love you  and I am glad you are a good influence on me it makes me love you more. I hope you are having a great morning mtcha

      Yours and Only Your,     Sterling                                            January 31

Tiffany,

     I was looking at a boring day but it was not to be. we went GO-KART-ING it was fun. I am not very good raced 3 times and I came in last all 3 times but it was fast and fun. I wish you could have been there it would have made it better. every one is tired so we all went back to our rooms. I love you! When do you want to talk? I dont know if my internet will behave but we can try.

                 Sterling                                                January 28

Tiff,

    I went carting today it was fun but I got back about 5 and have been trying to get an internet connections ever since I really was missing you but had no way to call you please next time call me and if I am not in call me back in a hour or so I love you and like talking to you and if you call between 8 and 9 sorry I was getting dinner. Finally it is 1145 and my roommate came back and I am using his computer connected wired even then it took 30 minutes to get logged in to my email and view the pictures this really piss's me off this is the last time I go TDY without a real computer!

    Ok, calm down, now that I have vented a little frustration. I love you and I am really sorry I didnt get to call you. today was a fun day and when I finally get my computer connected to the internet you will get to read that email and see those pictures. as for Luke’s ear he will be fine it will be sore for a week but cartilage isnt someting that brakes or gets damage it is just brus. I am sleepyI should get back from church at 2:00 and I will try to call you but if I dont I would love it if you call me around 2:30

   You are such a wonderful woman and I am so glad that I married you when we got married we talked about how we could be happy with someone else but we chose each other. Do you remember that conversation? Yes, I could have married someone else but i could not imagine anyone being a better match for me that you! and I dont believe that there is anyone that could make me as happy as you do.(not saying you are perfect just close) I am so grateful that you chose me  and hope you have a wonderful morning and that I get to video chat tomorrow. I LOVE YOU

Yours for Eternity,   Sterling                       January 28

PS Thinking about you and writing my feeling for you has made me calm down relax and feel better mtcha                                         

Tiffany

      I am sorry I got back late we should have plenty of time to talk tomorrow. Bro Neibhur went back to aviano today so that he could make Dustins Scwartses baptism and he was the main one that was planning the madrid trip tomorrow so we are not going and the only thing that I have in the planned is to  play soccer with the missionaries tomorrow at 8ish I dont really care to go but Todd wants to so I am going with him. I love you email what time you would like to talk and I will try my best to be here. I hope you are sleeping warn comfy and well I love you

Sterling                 January 27

Tiff,

      So I didn't get to go watch a movie with Todd I went down stairs right after we talked and met up with some other people that i knew from the last TDY's that I went on. Its about 6:30  by the time they smoke and finish chatting it is 7:00 we go looking for this stake house never found it but did find another about 8:00 eat I got my steak rare woe was it rare but it was good I did't eat all of it because my mouth got tired of chewing. needless to say it was 9:30 before I got back to my room a little late for movie watching(unless I am cuddled tight and warm with you). We will finish the movie tomorrow night.

    Tonight right after I got off the phone I got this wave of missing you. I love you and I look forward to a time when I dont have to leave you anymore. hmmm I love you and will always be yours

Sterling                 January 25

My Woman,

      I am writing tonight just in case I dont get to in the morning. I just wanted to say thank you for being such a strong wonderful happy companion. I know that the only reason that I am so happy in my life is because of you! A happy home for me will always be where you are and when I am a way I can always feel a piece of me that I left behind and that is you. Thank you     ~Your Sterling                          January 23

Beautiful Woman of Mine,

         I dont have a whole lot to say other than I love you and I am always thinking about you. Church here starts at 10 so Bro Mangle, Bro Niebher, Bro Sanders and myself are all meeting at 0930 to go together it is a 45 min walk, but we will have a car so it should only take 10 min.

     I am really sore where is my wonderful masseuse when I need you. Oh yeah, stuck at home with out two boys. I miss you many levels. I hope you have a great sunday morning I love you!~Sterling   January 22, 2012

We spent 3 hours walking around tonight and with my workout this morning my muscles are ti-rd. but it was fun to tried this little bar for dinner I gave it a B. it was just toasted bread with eggs or veggies or meat on them and I had a cup of spinach. After that we went and found a gummy store and got a sampling of all kinds of gummies I a exited the ones i tried were really good and in about 10 min I am headed up to Todds room for a movie.

     One of the stores that we past was a traditional cloths store and they had KKK outfits see pictures enclosed.    I miss you. I with I could bring you out next weekend to hang out with me. one of the other guys that doesnt have kids wife is coming out and i am kinda jealous. only kinda because I am sure his wife is not as amazing and perfect for me as you are. I love you. we should do a kinky chat tomorrow it would be fun!

                              Forever Yours,   Sterling                  January 21, 2012

Tiffers,

       I am glad today is over. We went into work thinking that we would be back by 5pm and it was almost 9 witch I would have been ok with if I would have been busy. but i wasn't.

      This TDY will be really good at stopping me snacking. I will eat breakfast just before 7, lunch and noon'ish, and dinner doesn't start till after 7 and inbetween there is nothing no snacks no places to get snacks nothing. the down side is it will be hard to eat healthy. at breakfast they have no less than 15 different doughnuts plus bacon 3 kinds of sausage and tiny pieces of fruit. For lunch and dinner they serve french fries with everything a lot of fried food and after not eating in 9 hours I have a tummy ache and I dont care what I am eating.

     I love you and I will be at the hotel most of tommorrow I don't have to work so I will work out sometime and that is all I have planned. I am really looking forward to talking to you tomorrow.

                        Kinks & Winks,   Sterling                                        January 20

Finally it let me connect,

      I think that my internet will be very sketchy I tied for hours last night and when I asked the front desk they said there must be too many people on so try back later and later never worked but I guess nobody wants to use internet at 0630 when breakfast doesnt start till 0700.

     My day yesterday was long but really nothing eventful. bus plane car 0830-1730 then got checked into the hotel tried to mine and my roomates internet to work 1730-1900   they have the wing man rule  where you have to be with someone at all times so I went with a group that went to eat at 1900 yeah of course it was 1930 before everyone showed up and it was a 10 min walk to the bar the grill did open till 2000 so we waited and ever one hat a beer so at 2010  i walk up to the bar and order when i got back to the table i told then that i orderd(I was starving frist real meal all day) and the guy in charge said he talk to them and they were going to come to the table. it takes them 30 min to make my sandwich so in a table of 7 I have my food and noon  else has even orderd. I eat if feeling a little awkward because everyone is really hungry. finally at 2115 29 min after I am done eating they walk up to the bar and order needless to say i was stuck there till 2300 waiting for people to eat luckily i found someone that wanted to head back to the hotel everyone else went on to do more of a tour. I knew you where asleep but i was really hoping that the internet to work but still no luck watch a boring documentary (that you wouldt watch with me) tried again to get email both in my room and in the lobby with no luck. went to bed woke up and got it too work

     I am sorry that i didnt get to emal you yesterday I really wanted too. we are all meeting at 0830 to go to work so I should be able to call the home phone some time today I am in room 126 of the malia hotel I wil try to get you the number so you can call me with skype.    I love you

Mtcha,          Sterling`                                       January 20

Email from Sterling Summer 2010 when he was TDY to Israel:

Tiffany,

      Just had a few minutes and thought i would tell you about my day! not that i have done much. got up tried to chat with you didnt work so i went swimming when i got to the pool the life guard talked to me because we had some females try to go swimming this morning and he had to kick them out. tuesday morning are a male only time for all of the really religious jews so they are not temped to look at all the girls. so i chose a bad i mean good morning to go swimming. I go early in the morning the girls dont normally so up till later. the only girl i really want to see in fewer cloths is you:) but sadly it made my knee hurt witch is bad because swimming is a gentle sport.

    after that i called you briefly then went and eat lunch watched a movie came to work and that is about it. my highlight at work is i got to drive afew min back from the chow hall it was really weird driving an automatic yea and now i am just waiting till i get to go back to my bed where i will watch another movie and fall asleep what a life. see i really dont do anything without you. i miss you. i reflect on my life every so often and i always and i cant imagine where i would be without you just add so much to my life thank you for being my woman and wonderful wife i love you –sterling                                June 1, 2010