Since Luke is not in Kindergarten this year, due to me homeschooling him until we move to South Dakota, I was excited to put him into a soccer league. The Moapa Valley has soccer teams for Kindergarten age up. I paid $45 for Luke to be on the team. They supply a soccer shirt, a coach, friends and fun. Luckily my mom had soccer shoes and shin pads that fit Luke.
Monday, this week, was his first soccer practice. We had to drive to Glendale...about 15 minutes drive (some of that on the freeway). There is not much in Glendal but there's a church and a water park and a park close to each other. The practices and games are held at that park.
Monday from 5:30-6:30pm is practice every week. Then we have a game once a week, varying on the day and time.
We met the coach and saw all the kids on the team. I'd say there's about 13. Unfortunately there is an other Luke on the team. The whole first practice the coach had trouble with what to call my Luke. He kept forgetting our last name. And I went to talk to him saying "His name is Lachoneus...but that's probably not any easier to remember than Luke Roundy." He agreed. I also mentioned that he could call Luke "Roundy" like his dad is called at work. He said he'll figure it out but I'm not so sure. lol.
There are two kids who look younger than Luke on that team. Luke was the slowest of his age but I don't know how hard he was trying to be fast. He may just have been running for fun and not for speed.
They started learning soccer basics to help them in the games. Luke was so happy to be going something active with so many other boys that he kept losing focus. He would pull grass up and put it in someone's hair. Or standing in line he would start bumping or pushing for fun. That lead to everyone around him bumping and pushing and it would spread down the line if it wasn't stopped. I had to step in and tell Luke to stop a few times as did the coach.
I had no idea what it would be like being a soccer mom. But at his age now I'm getting the picture...I will go to the practice and pay attention so that if Luke is not behaving properly I can step in and correct him. I will practice what Luke needs work on during the week so he will get better and be able to do, hopefully, well in the games.
It is just "fun" to Luke but I'd like him to do well and improve. Some of those kids are returning from last year so they know the drill. Luke has never done anything like this before.
It was very windy and sprinkled a little during that first practice. Very windy! Until practice was over then it calmed down.
The moms are in charge of supplying snacks each game. I am in charge of the very last game...October 19th.
I am really happy about Lachoneus having this opportunity. He is very happy about it too. Ty did very well to let Luke and the other boys play on the field with the ball. Tiberias has done well to accept the fact that he isn't old enough to be on the team...even though it was a huge disappointment at first.
Tuesday morning I took the boys to a park down the street and had Luke practice a few things...kicking the ball short and he run with it, kicking the ball hard so it goes far, running fast, hands on his hips as the coach asked him to do so he won't pick up the ball and hitting the ball off his body without his hands.
Today we were going to practice at the park in the evening because the ward was having a Corn Roast they do annually. But Autumn played a minute with him, soccer, and that was it. I ended up not doing more than that.
My dad made a Stoffer's lasagna for the ward event....there were like 5 lasagnas there tonight! I made a Hawaiian sweet and sour chicken dish. Put it on rice. yummy!
Luke didn't want to eat the food I gave him. He is typically that way at potlucks. He's a picky eater.
But when he tasted the corn...mmmmm....he liked it as much as anyone. He and Ty loved it! They shared a whole cob. One would take a bite then hand it to the other. Taking turns and being fast because they were so excited about the yummy taste. It was so cute to watch. They were sitting on a bench facing each other eat and sharing.
(The title of this blog....there's a book we , the boys and I, love called How I Became A Pirate. The kids in the book plays soccer and when he's on the ship with the pirates he tries to teach them soccer. It's a way cute book and it's on my mind because we just got one from the library that's the same series called Pirates Don't Babysit. We read it tonight before the boys went to bed and it was fun)
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Strengthening Family Quiz
With Sterling in Mississippi I have a hard time being patient with my children as much as ever before. So in church I am attending a Strengthening marriage and family class. It's from the church's social services but the Logandale 5th ward has been given permission to teach it for some years now. I am excited about it and want to learn how to better discipline my children.
1.
My
home is a haven of love and peace and happiness where the Spirit of the Lord
chooses to dwell.
(True.
We do well at that but our children are young which is easier than keeping a
happy home with teenagers.-Tiff
True- I love being with you and our kids most of the time. Somehow I
think teenagers will be much easier because they will hopefully be more logical -Ster
And
I always have the issue…does it apply the same to raising small children as to
raising teenagers? They are so different… so do they need different parenting
techniques or the same?)-Tiff
2.
I
never speak in loud tones in my home.
“Let
husband and wife never speak in loud tones to each other, unless the house is
on fire.” David O Mckay
Mostly true I
love the fact that we are always nice to each other and I think raising our voices
to our kids are a needed added emphasis but I think I yell at them too much. -Ster
(False
. This one is confusing because the quote only mentions marriage. You and I
don’t raise our voices at each other. But we do yell at our kids. And sometimes
I think “they won’t know I’m serious or take me serious unless I yell.” But
sometimes I feel like yelling does nothing except teach them to yell.-Tiff)
3.
I
love my family and they know it.
(True. We
make sure our children know we love them by telling them and spending time with
them. By encouraging them and telling we’re proud of them -Tiff)
True-sometimes
I wonder if Luke really knows if I love him but I think some of that is
personality -Ster
4.
I
am a good listener. I don’t listen to correct, advise, fix or share my own
experiences-I listen simply to understand.
“Children
are naturally eager to share their experiences…Are we eager to listen? If they
try to express their anguish, is it possible for us to listen openly to a
shocking experience without going into a state of shock ourselves? Can we
listen without interrupting and without making snap judgments that slam shut
the door of dialogue?” Russell M Nelson
(True)I try on this one but when the boys keep doing the same thing
it drives me insane but I love listening to you it makes me feel close to you. -Ster
(This
one mostly means if they’ve done something stupid and we don’t hold our
tongues, listen, support and help. We don’t deal with that too much yet because
ours are so young)-Tiff
5.
My spouse and I are united as one in word,
deed and action.
(True.
We’ve got that)-Tiff (agree 100%)-Ster
6.
Dads-I
provide for my family and when I come home from work, I take an active role
with them.
Moms-I
love my children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion I have for God and my
husband, prioritize them above all else.
(True.
But Sometimes I feel I should be spending more “play” time with them…and less
time on my hobbies. But you do play with the kids and put them above everything
else)-Tiff
True I always try do spend some time with them but
enough time never comes.-Ster
7.
When
giving necessary correction to a child, I do it quietly, privately, and
lovingly
I try but when
the do the same thing over and over again I don’t yet have the paitience -Ster
“When
you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger, do it not harshly, in a
condemning spirit. Speak to them kindly…weep with them if necessary.” Joseph F
Smith
(False.
This is probably where we need to change the most.) -Tiffany
8.
I do not try to force or control my children,
but instead I listen to them, help them, inspire them and lead them.
“To rule children by
force is the technique of Satan, not of the Savior.” Russell M Nelson
(False. This is what
confuses me the most. At ages 3 & 5 are we supposed to not try and rule
them. It seems we should govern and rule them until they are age 8 then give
them some more freedom and start accepting their decision a little more. -Tiff)
I think we are
teaching them boundaries so we don’t have to work so hard when they are older. -Sterling
9.
Our
family has daily family prayer, daily scripture study, weekly FHE, and we eat
dinner together.
(The quote that goes
along with this is long and some of what it says is that we need to preserve
time for one on one that binds us as a family and “fixes children’s values on
things of eternal worth.” Meaning, to teach them the gospel in our home.
False. I do daily prayer
at night together. Scriptures we read the stories sometimes but they don’t
remember them or the highlights…like who was the main character in the story.
So I am going to start making FHE lessons to teach the Bible and scripture
stories to the children in a simple, fun, memorable way. A lesson a week I will
create then save it for the future to teach them again. I want our kids to know
the stories. They don’t know about Noah and the Ark or anything really.)-Tiff
They are 3 and
5 the only way they will remember these stories is repetition we do need to
better with a nightly family scripture we do well with family prayer though -Ster
10.
I
work at my responsibility as a parent as if everything in life counted on it.
(True. I believe it’s
true for us. That you and I both care deeply about how we are parenting and
what our children need. We want to know how to perfectly raise them and we seek
better ways to parent them. You are really good at caring and wanting to be the
best father.-Tiff
I do try but I
think I need to spend more one on one positive time with them. I think that is
the only thing that can get rid of the childhood issues. -Ster
Recently I’d been
debating about whether or not we needed to change our techniques…before I
started going to this class at church.
I thought about how we
were raised and how we turned out fine. We had many siblings and less one on
one time with our parents. We didn’t have them focusing on us, trying to figure
out how to better parent us specifically for our individual needs…they didn’t
have time for that. So we’ll just parent our children and we’re doing a good
job…so they’ll turn out fine.
But then I thought about
the childhood issues everyone seems to have...and how maybe our children don’t
have to have issues with the way we parented. Maybe, if we focus on them
individually and strive to improve our parenting we can be better parents than
our own were. Maybe this generation of children needs us to be better.) -Tiff
For Athena - Gender Ultrasound
I wrote this up on my cell phone in Provo a few months ago.
"In just over an hour is my ultrasound for baby #3. I am so excited to find out the gender! I have anxiously awaited this for two weeks...ever since we scheduled the appointment.
It is so close now that I can taste the moment; when we are in the room and we first see the baby...not yet determining the gender but about to do so. It will be so fun to have Sterling and Luke there to see the baby and learn the gender with me! Ty will probably be there too but he doesn't understand as much. And he doesn't seem to care if it's a boy or a girl; as long as it's a baby.
I have already seen the baby in a fun, active ultrasound. But Sterling has not seen it and Luke has never been to a real ultrasound. Although Luke does like seeing the weird drawings of what the baby would look like at different stages during the pregnancy (online). He likes learning about the growing baby. And both boys are super excited to have a baby on the way."
When we went to the ultrasound Denise came with us. All five of us. It was really fun but really short. We saw the baby on the screen, not very high tech but still fun. And the woman said "It looks like a girl." I was not quite in shock...more like I did not want to get my hopes up. I said "Are you sure it looks like a girl?" I even made her point it out to me. Then Sterling reminded me that boys look like they have a turtle between their legs.
I was still unsure if it was a good idea to get all psyched up about a girl that early in the pregnancy...worried it would turn out to be a boy. But I wanted a girl so badly. I started showing excitement.
We got home and Hannah had made cookies. Pink and blue icing she put on them. I took one of each kind, a pink one and a blue one. I put them on a plate and whispered to Tiberias to take a bite out of a pink one...in front of everyone at the house. I believe it was Abi, Hannah, Mom, Dad, Trevor, Travis and Simone.
Tiberias picked up the pink one and bit it and everyone knew...we are having a girl!
Of course, at later ultrasounds I made the physicians check to see if it still looks like a girl. lol.
I went for an ultrasound recently at a doctor's office the base sent me to, with high quality machines for ultrasounds and they confirmed that it's undoubtedly a girl! lol
I am 24 weeks along.
We have not completely decided her name is Athena Rose Roundy. But we're learning more towards that than to anything else.
We also like Genevieve and Daphne.
"In just over an hour is my ultrasound for baby #3. I am so excited to find out the gender! I have anxiously awaited this for two weeks...ever since we scheduled the appointment.
It is so close now that I can taste the moment; when we are in the room and we first see the baby...not yet determining the gender but about to do so. It will be so fun to have Sterling and Luke there to see the baby and learn the gender with me! Ty will probably be there too but he doesn't understand as much. And he doesn't seem to care if it's a boy or a girl; as long as it's a baby.
I have already seen the baby in a fun, active ultrasound. But Sterling has not seen it and Luke has never been to a real ultrasound. Although Luke does like seeing the weird drawings of what the baby would look like at different stages during the pregnancy (online). He likes learning about the growing baby. And both boys are super excited to have a baby on the way."
When we went to the ultrasound Denise came with us. All five of us. It was really fun but really short. We saw the baby on the screen, not very high tech but still fun. And the woman said "It looks like a girl." I was not quite in shock...more like I did not want to get my hopes up. I said "Are you sure it looks like a girl?" I even made her point it out to me. Then Sterling reminded me that boys look like they have a turtle between their legs.
I was still unsure if it was a good idea to get all psyched up about a girl that early in the pregnancy...worried it would turn out to be a boy. But I wanted a girl so badly. I started showing excitement.
We got home and Hannah had made cookies. Pink and blue icing she put on them. I took one of each kind, a pink one and a blue one. I put them on a plate and whispered to Tiberias to take a bite out of a pink one...in front of everyone at the house. I believe it was Abi, Hannah, Mom, Dad, Trevor, Travis and Simone.
Tiberias picked up the pink one and bit it and everyone knew...we are having a girl!
Of course, at later ultrasounds I made the physicians check to see if it still looks like a girl. lol.
I went for an ultrasound recently at a doctor's office the base sent me to, with high quality machines for ultrasounds and they confirmed that it's undoubtedly a girl! lol
I am 24 weeks along.
We have not completely decided her name is Athena Rose Roundy. But we're learning more towards that than to anything else.
We also like Genevieve and Daphne.
Magic
I wrote this almost a week ago.
I'm sitting in the shade on my parents' front porch steps on a warm autumn day in Logandale. In my love sleeve cardigan I am feeling rather hot.
I have been sitting here, not moving much, for about 5 minutes.
The yard is desert landscape with a little grass and patches of planted flowers.
It has not been long that I've been here, not disturbing the nature around me. When without my realization butterflies come out from various flowers and hiding places in the yard. Flying around and up to where I sat.
Four butterflies beside me, playing freely as if I were not there. Maybe six more in the yard just a few feet away.
Beautiful and magical. Almost as soon as I take in the magic and joy....my three year old runs up to me. The butterflies quickly disperse into their hiding places.
I do not mind. A moment of fairylike magic once in a few years is enough to keep alive in me that innocent childike love of fairies and fantasy.
Besides, my life is full of magic if I just open my eyes and appreciate it. My two young boys and a baby girl on the way...the beauty, joy and magic is present every day of my life.
I'm sitting in the shade on my parents' front porch steps on a warm autumn day in Logandale. In my love sleeve cardigan I am feeling rather hot.
I have been sitting here, not moving much, for about 5 minutes.
The yard is desert landscape with a little grass and patches of planted flowers.
It has not been long that I've been here, not disturbing the nature around me. When without my realization butterflies come out from various flowers and hiding places in the yard. Flying around and up to where I sat.
Four butterflies beside me, playing freely as if I were not there. Maybe six more in the yard just a few feet away.
Beautiful and magical. Almost as soon as I take in the magic and joy....my three year old runs up to me. The butterflies quickly disperse into their hiding places.
I do not mind. A moment of fairylike magic once in a few years is enough to keep alive in me that innocent childike love of fairies and fantasy.
Besides, my life is full of magic if I just open my eyes and appreciate it. My two young boys and a baby girl on the way...the beauty, joy and magic is present every day of my life.
A beautiful day
I wrote this a few days ago.
It is a beautiful day! ALmost October in Logandale, NV...the weather is cooling off. A sweater is needed at night for some people...like me.
Yesterday it did not get hot...only warm. Today it is pretty hot in the sun but perfect in the shade.
I am with my children at the park for lunch. It is so wonderful to be here in this perfect weather with my two little boys. I am 24 weeks pregnant...expecting a girl. I am so happy!
I do miss my husband! From far away we still love, appreciate and support each other. That is what makes being apart barable.
And we are good at keeping the romance alive.
Every day we text each other throughout the day; about the simple things we are doing, that we love and miss each other, what we look forward to when we see each other again and ways we love each other.
We skype now and then...his internet is never good enough to get a clear image of us though. We we talk on regular phones more often.
The little boys have made letter to Sterling and we sent some fun, love in an envelope, to him.
I am writting a medieval time story about Sterling and myself. Its a good way for me to think a lot about my love for Sterling and what he might do in whatever situation I imagine for my story. Then I send him each chapter when I've done one. I think I have just one chapter left.
I am a princess, he is a prince. We meet and become friends, fall in love....there are conflicts and obstacles but we are overcoming them.
He has just proposed and is about to go with my father, the king, and his armies to take back my home which has been sieged by marauders. I am not sure what will happen in this last chapter. I've played it by ear mostly.
It is a beautiful day! ALmost October in Logandale, NV...the weather is cooling off. A sweater is needed at night for some people...like me.
Yesterday it did not get hot...only warm. Today it is pretty hot in the sun but perfect in the shade.
I am with my children at the park for lunch. It is so wonderful to be here in this perfect weather with my two little boys. I am 24 weeks pregnant...expecting a girl. I am so happy!
I do miss my husband! From far away we still love, appreciate and support each other. That is what makes being apart barable.
And we are good at keeping the romance alive.
Every day we text each other throughout the day; about the simple things we are doing, that we love and miss each other, what we look forward to when we see each other again and ways we love each other.
We skype now and then...his internet is never good enough to get a clear image of us though. We we talk on regular phones more often.
The little boys have made letter to Sterling and we sent some fun, love in an envelope, to him.
I am writting a medieval time story about Sterling and myself. Its a good way for me to think a lot about my love for Sterling and what he might do in whatever situation I imagine for my story. Then I send him each chapter when I've done one. I think I have just one chapter left.
I am a princess, he is a prince. We meet and become friends, fall in love....there are conflicts and obstacles but we are overcoming them.
He has just proposed and is about to go with my father, the king, and his armies to take back my home which has been sieged by marauders. I am not sure what will happen in this last chapter. I've played it by ear mostly.
Love & Marriage Pyramids
This Strengthening Marriage and Family class is really awesome. Every week so far I've come home inspired and ready to try what I've learned.
Parenting Pyramid: Influence on children
Example and teachings
Relationship of trust
Love Acceptance & understanding Encourage, look for
& reinforce the positive
The first thing to do to have a strong relationship with your child is to establish love. Once you have that you need to establish acceptance and understanding. Then encourage, look for and reinforce the positive. Then you can move up to establish a relationship of trust. Next, be an example and teach them. And finally, influence your children.
Pyramid of Marriage: Being One
Open Communication
Relationship of trust
Love Acceptance & understanding Encourage, look for
& reinforce the positive
With marriage you need to establish the same ideals as with parenting as the base and the next line up. But then you need Open Communication. And lastly, Being one. Luckily Sterling and I have done those steps and we are one. What does that mean? We have the same goals, ideals, values, beliefs, parenting rules, hopes. Mostly it means we support each other completely...in life, in parenting, etc. We are partners!
Parenting Pyramid: Influence on children
Example and teachings
Relationship of trust
Love Acceptance & understanding Encourage, look for
& reinforce the positive
The first thing to do to have a strong relationship with your child is to establish love. Once you have that you need to establish acceptance and understanding. Then encourage, look for and reinforce the positive. Then you can move up to establish a relationship of trust. Next, be an example and teach them. And finally, influence your children.
Pyramid of Marriage: Being One
Open Communication
Relationship of trust
Love Acceptance & understanding Encourage, look for
& reinforce the positive
With marriage you need to establish the same ideals as with parenting as the base and the next line up. But then you need Open Communication. And lastly, Being one. Luckily Sterling and I have done those steps and we are one. What does that mean? We have the same goals, ideals, values, beliefs, parenting rules, hopes. Mostly it means we support each other completely...in life, in parenting, etc. We are partners!
Parenting-Love Languages
Today in Strengthening Marriage and Family class at church they taught us about the 5 love languages. Touch, Words, Gifts, Service, Time. I had heard about it before from my mother. But this time it was taught for parenting. Figure out which love language your child uses so you can better show them your love and know how to discipline them best.
Tiberias is definitely a touch person. He loves hugs, being held, playing rough. That's why he loves adult guys because they rough house with him more than grown women do. Sterling is a rough houser and that's why Tiberias has favored adult males over adult females since he was turning 1 year old! He absolutely loves his cousin Justin who is about to go on a mission. Justin plays with him and teases him because Sterling isn't here. He has been Ty's favorite. But today Ty's uncle Isaiah came to visit from St George. And Tiberias soon warmed up to Isaiah despite his beard and mustache. Isaiah became Ty's new favorite. He wanted to play with Isaiah and hug Isaiah instead of Justin.
So looking at it that way...spanking him for discipline hurts his feelings because his love language is touch. So we should not spank him but find other ways to disciplin him.
With Luke...he is not a touch person! He is not a words person either. The way he feels loved is by time and service. If you play with him and do things with him that he wants...that's what makes him feel loved or neglected. So in his life he will probably show love that way...by giving his time to you.
But that doesn't seem to help me in knowing which way to discipline him. Spanking him now doesn't bother him as much as it bothers Tiberias. Plus, I am trying to make spanking a 3rd resort. I feel bad when I spank the kids. I think it teaches them to hit. So I am trying to 1st ask them nicely to do something, 2nd threaten them with time out and if they don't listen they go to Time Out. Then if they persist on being bad I threaten a spanking and if needed give them one.
With Luke you have to discipline him by taking away things he loves like tv, candy, outdoor play time, etc.
Sterling and I were talking on the phone today about it. He then asked what our love languages are. So we thought about it. I am a big mix. I feel loved by service, touch, words and time. Gifts...not as much. But when it comes to showing my love for others, naturally, I do it with words, touch and service. Words are harder for me. I don't naturally show my love through words. I have to really try on that one but I've been working on it...since I got married.
Sterling's love languages are touch and words mostly. He shows love by, and feels loved by, touch. But if he doesn't get good meaningful conversations with me often he starts to feel neglected. We can spend all our free time together but if it's just at home, watching tv, cuddling, and being with the kids...he doesn't feel fully loved. When we go on hikes or leave the boys with a sitter so we can go on a date...we get good conversation in and he feels loved.
Tiberias is definitely a touch person. He loves hugs, being held, playing rough. That's why he loves adult guys because they rough house with him more than grown women do. Sterling is a rough houser and that's why Tiberias has favored adult males over adult females since he was turning 1 year old! He absolutely loves his cousin Justin who is about to go on a mission. Justin plays with him and teases him because Sterling isn't here. He has been Ty's favorite. But today Ty's uncle Isaiah came to visit from St George. And Tiberias soon warmed up to Isaiah despite his beard and mustache. Isaiah became Ty's new favorite. He wanted to play with Isaiah and hug Isaiah instead of Justin.
So looking at it that way...spanking him for discipline hurts his feelings because his love language is touch. So we should not spank him but find other ways to disciplin him.
With Luke...he is not a touch person! He is not a words person either. The way he feels loved is by time and service. If you play with him and do things with him that he wants...that's what makes him feel loved or neglected. So in his life he will probably show love that way...by giving his time to you.
But that doesn't seem to help me in knowing which way to discipline him. Spanking him now doesn't bother him as much as it bothers Tiberias. Plus, I am trying to make spanking a 3rd resort. I feel bad when I spank the kids. I think it teaches them to hit. So I am trying to 1st ask them nicely to do something, 2nd threaten them with time out and if they don't listen they go to Time Out. Then if they persist on being bad I threaten a spanking and if needed give them one.
With Luke you have to discipline him by taking away things he loves like tv, candy, outdoor play time, etc.
Sterling and I were talking on the phone today about it. He then asked what our love languages are. So we thought about it. I am a big mix. I feel loved by service, touch, words and time. Gifts...not as much. But when it comes to showing my love for others, naturally, I do it with words, touch and service. Words are harder for me. I don't naturally show my love through words. I have to really try on that one but I've been working on it...since I got married.
Sterling's love languages are touch and words mostly. He shows love by, and feels loved by, touch. But if he doesn't get good meaningful conversations with me often he starts to feel neglected. We can spend all our free time together but if it's just at home, watching tv, cuddling, and being with the kids...he doesn't feel fully loved. When we go on hikes or leave the boys with a sitter so we can go on a date...we get good conversation in and he feels loved.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Strengthening Marriage & Family Quiz
A letter typed up from Tiffany to Sterling Sunday September 15, 2013
Sterling is in Mississippi training for his new Tower position in the Air Force while Tiffany and the kids stay with the Borens and the Roundys.
Hi Babe,
In class, Strengthening
Marriage and Family, today we were given a quiz. 10 true or false questions
with quotes from general authorities to help us know what the answer should be.
I tried to
find it online so I don’t have to type the whole thing up for you but I had no
luck.
1.
My
home is a haven of love and peace and happiness where the Spirit of the Lord
chooses to dwell.
(True.
We do well at that but our children are young which is easier than keeping a
happy home with teenagers.
And
I always have the issue…does it apply the same to raising small children as to
raising teenagers? They are so different… so do they need different parenting
techniques or the same?)
2.
I
never speak in loud tones in my home.
“Let
husband and wife never speak in loud tones to each other, unless the house is
on fire.” David O Mckay
(False
. This one is confusing because the quote only mentions marriage. You and I don’t
raise our voices at each other. But we do yell at our kids. And sometimes I
think “they won’t know I’m serious or take me serious unless I yell.” But
sometimes I feel like yelling does nothing except teach them to yell.)
3.
I
love my family and they know it. (True. We
make sure our children know we love them by telling them and spending time with
them. By encouraging them and telling we’re proud of them)
4.
I
am a good listener. I don’t listen to correct, advise, fix or share my own
experiences-I listen simply to understand.
“Children
are naturally eager to share their experiences…Are we eager to listen? If they
try to express their anguish, is it possible for us to listen openly to a
shocking experience without going into a state of shock ourselves? Can we
listen without interrupting and without making snap judgements that slam shut
the door of dialogue?” Russell M Nelson
(This
one mostly means if they’ve done something stupid and we don’t hold our
tongues, listen, support and help. We don’t deal with that too much yet because
ours are so young)
5.
My spouse and I are united as one in word,
deed and action.
(True.
We’ve got that)
6.
Dads-I
provide for my family and when I come home from work, I take an active role
with them.
Moms-I
love my children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion I have for God and my
husband, prioritize them above all else.
(True.
But Sometimes I feel I should be spending more “play” time with them…and less
time on my hobbies. But you do play with the kids and put them above everything
else)
7.
When
giving necessary correction to a child, I do it quietly, privately, and
lovingly.
“When
you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger, do it not harshly, in a condemning
spirit. Speak to them kindly…weep with them if necessary.” Joseph F Smith
(False.
This is probably where we need to change the most.)
8.
I do not try to force or control my children,
but instead I listen to them, help them, inspire them and lead them.
“To rule children by
force is the technique of Satan, not of the Savior.” Russell M Nelson
(False. This is what
confuses me the most. At ages 3 & 5 are we supposed to not try and rule
them. It seems we should govern and rule them until they are age 8 then give
them some more freedom and start accepting their decision a little more. )
9.
Our
family has daily family prayer, daily scripture study, weekly FHE, and we eat
dinner together.
(The quote that goes
along with this is long and some of what it says is that we need to preserve
time for one on one that binds us as a family and “fixes children’s values on
things of eternal worth.” Meaning, to teach them the gospel in our home.
False. I do daily prayer
at night together. Scriptures we read the stories sometimes but they don’t
remember them or the highlights…like who was the main character in the story.
So I am going to start making FHE lessons to teach the Bible and scripture
stories to the children in a simple, fun, memorable way. A lesson a week I will
create then save it for the future to teach them again. I want our kids to know
the stories. They don’t know about Noah and the Ark or anything really.)
10.
I
work at my responsibility as a parent as if everything in life counted on it.
(True. I believe it’s
true for us. That you and I both care deeply about how we are parenting and
what our children need. We want to know how to perfectly raise them and we seek
better ways to parent them. You are really good at caring and wanting to be the
best father.
Recently I’d been
debating about whether or not we needed to change our techniques…before I
started going to this class at church.
I thought about how we
were raised and how we turned out fine. We had many sibblings and less one on
one time with our parents. We didn’t have them focusing on us, trying to figure
out how to better parent us specifically for our individual needs…they didn’t
have time for that. So we’ll just parent our children and we’re doing a good
job…so they’ll turn out fine.
But then I thought about
the childhood issues everyone seems to have...and how maybe our children don’t
have to have issues with the way we parented. Maybe, if we focus on them
individually and strive to improve our parenting we can be better parents than
our own were. Maybe this generation of children needs us to be better.)
Babe, please let me know
what you think on all these matters. I want your input on what we should be
doing and what you think. I love you!
Goodnight. ~Tiffany
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