Today in Strengthening Marriage and Family class at church they taught us about the 5 love languages. Touch, Words, Gifts, Service, Time. I had heard about it before from my mother. But this time it was taught for parenting. Figure out which love language your child uses so you can better show them your love and know how to discipline them best.
Tiberias is definitely a touch person. He loves hugs, being held, playing rough. That's why he loves adult guys because they rough house with him more than grown women do. Sterling is a rough houser and that's why Tiberias has favored adult males over adult females since he was turning 1 year old! He absolutely loves his cousin Justin who is about to go on a mission. Justin plays with him and teases him because Sterling isn't here. He has been Ty's favorite. But today Ty's uncle Isaiah came to visit from St George. And Tiberias soon warmed up to Isaiah despite his beard and mustache. Isaiah became Ty's new favorite. He wanted to play with Isaiah and hug Isaiah instead of Justin.
So looking at it that way...spanking him for discipline hurts his feelings because his love language is touch. So we should not spank him but find other ways to disciplin him.
With Luke...he is not a touch person! He is not a words person either. The way he feels loved is by time and service. If you play with him and do things with him that he wants...that's what makes him feel loved or neglected. So in his life he will probably show love that way...by giving his time to you.
But that doesn't seem to help me in knowing which way to discipline him. Spanking him now doesn't bother him as much as it bothers Tiberias. Plus, I am trying to make spanking a 3rd resort. I feel bad when I spank the kids. I think it teaches them to hit. So I am trying to 1st ask them nicely to do something, 2nd threaten them with time out and if they don't listen they go to Time Out. Then if they persist on being bad I threaten a spanking and if needed give them one.
With Luke you have to discipline him by taking away things he loves like tv, candy, outdoor play time, etc.
Sterling and I were talking on the phone today about it. He then asked what our love languages are. So we thought about it. I am a big mix. I feel loved by service, touch, words and time. Gifts...not as much. But when it comes to showing my love for others, naturally, I do it with words, touch and service. Words are harder for me. I don't naturally show my love through words. I have to really try on that one but I've been working on it...since I got married.
Sterling's love languages are touch and words mostly. He shows love by, and feels loved by, touch. But if he doesn't get good meaningful conversations with me often he starts to feel neglected. We can spend all our free time together but if it's just at home, watching tv, cuddling, and being with the kids...he doesn't feel fully loved. When we go on hikes or leave the boys with a sitter so we can go on a date...we get good conversation in and he feels loved.
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