With Sterling in Mississippi I have a hard time being patient with my children as much as ever before. So in church I am attending a Strengthening marriage and family class. It's from the church's social services but the Logandale 5th ward has been given permission to teach it for some years now. I am excited about it and want to learn how to better discipline my children.
1.
My
home is a haven of love and peace and happiness where the Spirit of the Lord
chooses to dwell.
(True.
We do well at that but our children are young which is easier than keeping a
happy home with teenagers.-Tiff
True- I love being with you and our kids most of the time. Somehow I
think teenagers will be much easier because they will hopefully be more logical -Ster
And
I always have the issue…does it apply the same to raising small children as to
raising teenagers? They are so different… so do they need different parenting
techniques or the same?)-Tiff
2.
I
never speak in loud tones in my home.
“Let
husband and wife never speak in loud tones to each other, unless the house is
on fire.” David O Mckay
Mostly true I
love the fact that we are always nice to each other and I think raising our voices
to our kids are a needed added emphasis but I think I yell at them too much. -Ster
(False
. This one is confusing because the quote only mentions marriage. You and I
don’t raise our voices at each other. But we do yell at our kids. And sometimes
I think “they won’t know I’m serious or take me serious unless I yell.” But
sometimes I feel like yelling does nothing except teach them to yell.-Tiff)
3.
I
love my family and they know it.
(True. We
make sure our children know we love them by telling them and spending time with
them. By encouraging them and telling we’re proud of them -Tiff)
True-sometimes
I wonder if Luke really knows if I love him but I think some of that is
personality -Ster
4.
I
am a good listener. I don’t listen to correct, advise, fix or share my own
experiences-I listen simply to understand.
“Children
are naturally eager to share their experiences…Are we eager to listen? If they
try to express their anguish, is it possible for us to listen openly to a
shocking experience without going into a state of shock ourselves? Can we
listen without interrupting and without making snap judgments that slam shut
the door of dialogue?” Russell M Nelson
(True)I try on this one but when the boys keep doing the same thing
it drives me insane but I love listening to you it makes me feel close to you. -Ster
(This
one mostly means if they’ve done something stupid and we don’t hold our
tongues, listen, support and help. We don’t deal with that too much yet because
ours are so young)-Tiff
5.
My spouse and I are united as one in word,
deed and action.
(True.
We’ve got that)-Tiff (agree 100%)-Ster
6.
Dads-I
provide for my family and when I come home from work, I take an active role
with them.
Moms-I
love my children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion I have for God and my
husband, prioritize them above all else.
(True.
But Sometimes I feel I should be spending more “play” time with them…and less
time on my hobbies. But you do play with the kids and put them above everything
else)-Tiff
True I always try do spend some time with them but
enough time never comes.-Ster
7.
When
giving necessary correction to a child, I do it quietly, privately, and
lovingly
I try but when
the do the same thing over and over again I don’t yet have the paitience -Ster
“When
you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger, do it not harshly, in a
condemning spirit. Speak to them kindly…weep with them if necessary.” Joseph F
Smith
(False.
This is probably where we need to change the most.) -Tiffany
8.
I do not try to force or control my children,
but instead I listen to them, help them, inspire them and lead them.
“To rule children by
force is the technique of Satan, not of the Savior.” Russell M Nelson
(False. This is what
confuses me the most. At ages 3 & 5 are we supposed to not try and rule
them. It seems we should govern and rule them until they are age 8 then give
them some more freedom and start accepting their decision a little more. -Tiff)
I think we are
teaching them boundaries so we don’t have to work so hard when they are older. -Sterling
9.
Our
family has daily family prayer, daily scripture study, weekly FHE, and we eat
dinner together.
(The quote that goes
along with this is long and some of what it says is that we need to preserve
time for one on one that binds us as a family and “fixes children’s values on
things of eternal worth.” Meaning, to teach them the gospel in our home.
False. I do daily prayer
at night together. Scriptures we read the stories sometimes but they don’t
remember them or the highlights…like who was the main character in the story.
So I am going to start making FHE lessons to teach the Bible and scripture
stories to the children in a simple, fun, memorable way. A lesson a week I will
create then save it for the future to teach them again. I want our kids to know
the stories. They don’t know about Noah and the Ark or anything really.)-Tiff
They are 3 and
5 the only way they will remember these stories is repetition we do need to
better with a nightly family scripture we do well with family prayer though -Ster
10.
I
work at my responsibility as a parent as if everything in life counted on it.
(True. I believe it’s
true for us. That you and I both care deeply about how we are parenting and
what our children need. We want to know how to perfectly raise them and we seek
better ways to parent them. You are really good at caring and wanting to be the
best father.-Tiff
I do try but I
think I need to spend more one on one positive time with them. I think that is
the only thing that can get rid of the childhood issues. -Ster
Recently I’d been
debating about whether or not we needed to change our techniques…before I
started going to this class at church.
I thought about how we
were raised and how we turned out fine. We had many siblings and less one on
one time with our parents. We didn’t have them focusing on us, trying to figure
out how to better parent us specifically for our individual needs…they didn’t
have time for that. So we’ll just parent our children and we’re doing a good
job…so they’ll turn out fine.
But then I thought about
the childhood issues everyone seems to have...and how maybe our children don’t
have to have issues with the way we parented. Maybe, if we focus on them
individually and strive to improve our parenting we can be better parents than
our own were. Maybe this generation of children needs us to be better.) -Tiff
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