Strengthening Marriage & Family Quiz

A letter typed up from Tiffany to Sterling Sunday September 15, 2013

Sterling is in Mississippi training for his new Tower position in the Air Force while Tiffany and the kids stay with the Borens and the Roundys.

Hi Babe,

In class, Strengthening Marriage and Family, today we were given a quiz. 10 true or false questions with quotes from general authorities to help us know what the answer should be.

I tried to find it online so I don’t have to type the whole thing up for you but I had no luck.

1.        My home is a haven of love and peace and happiness where the Spirit of the Lord chooses to dwell.

(True. We do well at that but our children are young which is easier than keeping a happy home with teenagers.

And I always have the issue…does it apply the same to raising small children as to raising teenagers? They are so different… so do they need different parenting techniques or the same?)

2.        I never speak in loud tones in my home.

“Let husband and wife never speak in loud tones to each other, unless the house is on fire.” David O Mckay

(False . This one is confusing because the quote only mentions marriage. You and I don’t raise our voices at each other. But we do yell at our kids. And sometimes I think “they won’t know I’m serious or take me serious unless I yell.” But sometimes I feel like yelling does nothing except teach them to yell.)

3.        I love my family and they know it.  (True. We make sure our children know we love them by telling them and spending time with them. By encouraging them and telling we’re proud of them)

4.        I am a good listener. I don’t listen to correct, advise, fix or share my own experiences-I listen simply to understand.

“Children are naturally eager to share their experiences…Are we eager to listen? If they try to express their anguish, is it possible for us to listen openly to a shocking experience without going into a state of shock ourselves? Can we listen without interrupting and without making snap judgements that slam shut the door of dialogue?” Russell M Nelson

(This one mostly means if they’ve done something stupid and we don’t hold our tongues, listen, support and help. We don’t deal with that too much yet because ours are so young)

5.         My spouse and I are united as one in word, deed and action.

(True. We’ve got that)

6.        Dads-I provide for my family and when I come home from work, I take an active role with them.

Moms-I love my children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion I have for God and my husband, prioritize them above all else.

(True. But Sometimes I feel I should be spending more “play” time with them…and less time on my hobbies. But you do play with the kids and put them above everything else)

7.        When giving necessary correction to a child, I do it quietly, privately, and lovingly.

“When you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger, do it not harshly, in a condemning spirit. Speak to them kindly…weep with them if necessary.” Joseph F Smith

(False. This is probably where we need to change the most.)

8.         I do not try to force or control my children, but instead I listen to them, help them, inspire them and lead them.

“To rule children by force is the technique of Satan, not of the Savior.” Russell M Nelson

(False. This is what confuses me the most. At ages 3 & 5 are we supposed to not try and rule them. It seems we should govern and rule them until they are age 8 then give them some more freedom and start accepting their decision a little more. )

9.        Our family has daily family prayer, daily scripture study, weekly FHE, and we eat dinner together.

(The quote that goes along with this is long and some of what it says is that we need to preserve time for one on one that binds us as a family and “fixes children’s values on things of eternal worth.” Meaning, to teach them the gospel in our home.

False. I do daily prayer at night together. Scriptures we read the stories sometimes but they don’t remember them or the highlights…like who was the main character in the story. So I am going to start making FHE lessons to teach the Bible and scripture stories to the children in a simple, fun, memorable way. A lesson a week I will create then save it for the future to teach them again. I want our kids to know the stories. They don’t know about Noah and the Ark or anything really.)

10.    I work at my responsibility as a parent as if everything in life counted on it.

(True. I believe it’s true for us. That you and I both care deeply about how we are parenting and what our children need. We want to know how to perfectly raise them and we seek better ways to parent them. You are really good at caring and wanting to be the best father.

Recently I’d been debating about whether or not we needed to change our techniques…before I started going to this class at church. 

I thought about how we were raised and how we turned out fine. We had many sibblings and less one on one time with our parents. We didn’t have them focusing on us, trying to figure out how to better parent us specifically for our individual needs…they didn’t have time for that. So we’ll just parent our children and we’re doing a good job…so they’ll turn out fine.

But then I thought about the childhood issues everyone seems to have...and how maybe our children don’t have to have issues with the way we parented. Maybe, if we focus on them individually and strive to improve our parenting we can be better parents than our own were. Maybe this generation of children needs us to be better.)

Babe, please let me know what you think on all these matters. I want your input on what we should be doing and what you think. I love you!

Goodnight. ~Tiffany